The hardest Part
by Bella-Swan1313
Summary: Some time between when Edward left, and when Alice comes. No Jacob, Sorry it doesn't fit with the plot!
1. Chapter 1

The hardest part was knowing. It was the realization that he didn't want me.  
Every night when I woke up screaming, the same thing was always in the back of my mind.  
He was happy wherever he was. That was enough.  
We couldn't both be happy at the same time. He shouldn't have to suffer because of me.  
Yet, when I woke up screaming the thing that was most apparent was the sense of death.  
I was still alive, that was true, but every day without him there to catch me, I fell a little deeper.  
Everyday the bruises got worse. The cuts that no one could fix got worse every time I woke up, still alive.  
I had to stay alive, that much I was certain about.  
Charlie would never be able to bear it if something like that ever happened to me,  
but it was still hard to get up in the morning knowing that he wouldn't be there.  
That he didn't want to be there. That knowledge hurt more than anything in the world.

That morning was especially tough. Charlie was still home, so I had to work doubly hard not to fill  
the house with my racking sobs. But I did it. The tears were inescapable though. That part was hard.  
The hot water of the shower seemed to seep into my blood stream, filling it with boiled water.  
I shuddered. Not good to think about blood. I choked down a glass of milk for breakfast, and climbed into  
my truck. School was going to be unbearable.

And it was. Obviously no one talked to me. I was happily spared from that annoyance. It was the  
absence of _him_. It rung in the air like a quiet bell, that got louder at five minute intervals.  
I clutched my chest were a pain ripped into my heart, digging away when the bell got louder,  
and eating when the bell was quieter. There was a constant creature that ate away at my heart,  
soon there would be nothing left, even though it already felt like there was nothing. Anywhere.  
Nothing to hang on to, nothing to hold dear, nothing, nothing, nothing...


	2. Chapter 2:Crash

The hardest part was knowing. It was the realization that he didn't want me.  
Every night when I woke up screaming, the same thing was always in the back of my mind.  
He was happy wherever he was. That was enough.  
We couldn't both be happy at the same time. He shouldn't have to suffer because of me.  
Yet, when I woke up screaming the thing that was most apparent was the sense of death.  
I was still alive, that was true, but every day without him there to catch me, I fell a little deeper.  
Everyday the bruises got worse. The cuts that no one could fix got worse every time I woke up, still alive.  
I had to stay alive, that much I was certain about.  
Charlie would never be able to bear it if something like that ever happened to me,  
but it was still hard to get up in the morning knowing that he wouldn't be there.  
That he didn't want to be there. That knowledge hurt more than anything in the world.

That morning was especially tough. Charlie was still home, so I had to work doubly hard not to fill  
the house with my racking sobs. But I did it. The tears were inescapable though. That part was hard.  
The hot water of the shower seemed to seep into my blood stream, filling it with boiled water.  
I shuddered. Not good to think about blood. I choked down a glass of milk for breakfast, and climbed into  
my truck. School was going to be unbearable.

And it was. Obviously no one talked to me. I was happily spared from that annoyance. It was the  
absence of _him_. It rung in the air like a quiet bell, that got louder at five minute intervals.  
I clutched my chest were a pain ripped into my heart, digging away when the bell got louder,  
and eating when the bell was quieter. There was a constant creature that ate away at my heart,  
soon there would be nothing left, even though it already felt like there was nothing. Anywhere.  
Nothing to hang on to, nothing to hold dear, nothing, nothing, nothing...


	3. Crash

**AN: I don't own Twilight, only Edward… (In my dreams!) I hope you enjoy!**

I was right. School was horrible. The rain was letting up though. Orange tinged rays of sunlight danced in the puddles, and a rainbow flitted in between the unusually puffed clouds. A smile lit my face for the first time in a long time. Maybe I was getting over him… Then it happened. Drifting in my thoughts as I was, I had been paying no attention to the road ahead of me. Suddenly in a flash of color, and screeching noises that invaded my eardrums, everything went very quiet, and very black. Until I saw the light. The light was coming from a figure about five feet away from me. I wanted to move toward it's inviting light, but couldn't. I was stuck where I was. The figure was advancing, and I smiled. It didn't matter that I couldn't see it; it was coming to see me. My eyes closed and I drifted. My eyes snapped open and I regretted it immediately. The figure of light wasn't coming to see me. It was coming because it was obliged. Edward stood before me, and his beauty struck me dumb.  
"Why are you scowling, Bella love?" He said with a laugh that made my heart sing. Then I realized I really was scowling. I arranged my face into a slightly less menacing look, and stared at him, memorizing every contour of his face, every muscle on his arms, the exact shade of his marble skin, and the concerned look on his perfect, stone features. I wanted to stay here forever.  
"I'm not scowling Edward." I whispered, smiling meekly. He laughed again, and came to lie next to me. He pressed his face into my hair, and wrapped his arms around me.  
"Bella…" He breathed.  
"I love you so much more than you can even imagine. I had to do this. I'm so, so sorry. I love you. You're alright now. I love you…"  
His voice faded into nothing, and suddenly I was ripped from his arms, and brought back into the unkind reality, that was the great hospital of Forks. Tears started to burn in my eyes. It hadn't been real, but I wanted with all my heart for it to be that way. For him to care again. I wanted him to fix me. I was broken, and he was the only one who could fix my inner workings, and make them continue ticking. Living shouldn't be this hard. The tears started rolling down my colorless cheeks, streaming uncontrollably. At least they were silent. I wanted all the quiet I could get. The beeping hospital machine behind me wouldn't give me that particular gift. It was to happy beeping away. 'Stupid insolent machine.' I thought. 'It probably has some happy he-machine to go home to every night.' I laughed bitterly, and rested my head back on the pillow. It was going to be a very long next couple of days.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I still don't own Twilight ****sobs Oh wells. I guess I will have to get over that! Anyway, on with the story! **

"MAX!" I whined. Max chuckled, and ran down the porch steps away from me. A single tear ran down my cheek. I didn't need this right now. I didn't need someone with a ruined car, who desperately wanted to take me to dinner. I let curses stream out of my mouth as I crossed to the kitchen.  
"Well, Bella. You have certainly become more mature!" said a voice I knew well.  
"Alice? Alice Cullen?" She laughed her high musical laugh, and I knew it was her.  
"Yes Bella, Bella Swan!" I ran forward and hugged her ferociously. She stood there, patting my back, and letting my sob.  
--

"Well, this is a surprise." I said, wiping my eyes and nose.  
"Yeah, well I saw something, and it, well I guess I was wrong."  
"What did you see?"  
"I saw your car crash, and thought you'd died, oh Bella! I'm so happy your okay! I've missed you so much!"  
"You have no idea Alice, really." I sighed tears streaming from my eyes. There was this temporary bandage on my heart, a sort of cage keeping the monster away.  
"Alice, I-I really missed you. How is everyone?" I asked, not really sure I wanted to know. Alice told me about Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and herself, looking puzzled at the end, probably not sure weather to mention Edward. It was much easier to think of him since the crash. Since the dream that I remembered over, and over, unable to think about anything else.  
"How is he? I mean… Is he happy?"  
"I think so. He, well what I'm trying to say is, he's doing alright considering." I had no idea whatsoever what she was talking about, but I could tell she was uncomfortable, so I dropped the subject.  
"So." She laughed.  
"Nice weather we're having huh?" She teased. I laughed a little, but I was worried. What was Edward facing? Alice had said, 'He's going alright considering'. What was she considering? It made me hurt to think Edward might feel guilty about me. No, I was being egotistical. Edward was worried about something completely unrelated to myself. I was no good for him. I winced, and walked over to the fridge to find something to drink. Alice followed behind, looking like she was concentrating very hard on something, very far away. I grabbed a juice box from the package Charlie had gotten for some unknown reason, and sucked it down like an IV. Alice watched keeping with the same expression, like she couldn't quite see something, and it was starting to frustrate her.


	5. Tears

Salty tears made their way down my cheeks slowly, seeming to enjoy the moments spent in contact with my skin. Waking up was hard. Alice was sitting in the rocking chair at the other end of the room. Her face looked pained, like something was dangling a mouse in front of her face, that she was going to have to feed to a snake. I sat up carefully, wiping the tears away.  
"Good morning Alice." I whispered.  
"Is it, Bella?"  
"I don't know. Mornings are ever good for me."  
"Weren't you a morning person Bella?"  
"No, I never was. Why do you ask?"  
"No reason. I have to make a call."  
"Okay."  
She exited the room very fast, like there was something important that had to happen, now. I got out of bed, slightly dazed and stumbled to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair into a ponytail before going back to my room and putting on my favorite sweats. I made my way down the stairs, bumping into Alice at the bottom of the staircase, looking frightened, and dazed.  
"Alice! What's wrong?"  
"Edward." Alice murmered.  
I knew then that something bad had happened. Something Alice had been tring to see, but couldn't. Something that was putting Edward in danger.


	6. Heartache

"Alice, you have to tell me what happened."  
"Rosalie. I-I can't believe, she told, why?"  
"Alice?" She seemed to snap out of her reverie, she grasped my shoulders,  
"The reason I came here, Bella, the car crash. I told everyone why I was visiting you, and Rosalie thought Edward should know you were… dead. Edward hung up immediately, and I can see him going to the Volturi, Bella, the _Volturi!"  
_"I wasn't going to live without you…" I murmured stunned.  
"We have to do something!"  
"Well, let's go then! I'll leave a note to Charlie, everything will be okay, alright?"  
She nodded, her cell phone to her ear, already calling the airline. I dashed over to the kitchen searching frantically for a note pad, then a pen, anything to write with. I quickly scrawled,  
'_Charlie,  
Edward needs me in LA.  
I'll be there with Alice, so I won't be alone.  
Don't worry; I'll be back soon.  
Love you  
Bella'_  
That would have to do. I tore the paper off of the note pad, and stuck it to the fridge. I ran over to Alice, and grabbed a backpack she had already packed with the essentials. We were both ready.

The plane ride was tedious, and hard to live through. How could I be sitting in a plane, when the reason for my existence was about to kill himself? Alice looked over at me sympathetic. She was on the plane-phone with Jasper, murmuring things about how we were going to be fine, and she would see him soon.  
"I hate lying to him," She groaned leaning back in her seat.  
"You're not. We _are _going to get out alive, Alice."  
"Thanks for the encouragement Bella." She smiled slightly.

The dust of Volterra was rushing past me as I stumbled my way through the clear open space. People would occasionally stop to look at me. The gigantic clock tower was perched before twelve. The time when Edward would step out into the sun, revealing himself for what he really was. I pushed myself forward, and toppled onto my face, I picked myself up, and ran again, lurching forwards, my need for Edward pushing me on. Then I saw him.  
"Edward!" I screamed, "Edward!" I could tell he couldn't see me. I urged myself forward, I was just millimeters away from him and could see the look of surprise on his face. Then I crashed into him with a huge sense of relief. I was here, and he was there with me. I was fine whenever I was with him. The creature was banished from the land of my insides. It was as if there had never been a creature at all. I was whole again, and it felt good.

I saw Alice creep into view, smiling as ever. Then two other figures followed, and I saw her grin vanish. Edward took a protective stance in front of me, and Alice too was braced for battle.  
"Now, now. Let's not be hasty fella's!" Said a small child that had suddenly appeared in between the two men.  
"Jane." Edward gritted his teeth through her name, but it was still better than anything I had ever heard in my entire life. I was so unbelievably in love with him.

As we walked out of the corridor, I could feel the sobs building up in my chest. The last of the tourists was behind me, though she looked back fearfully, tugging her mother's arm. She was about eleven years old. So young.  
"Not now sweetie, we're going to take some more pictures, then…"  
Her mother's voice was lost along with the girls' face. I knew, though, that the face would stay with me for the rest of my life. A young girl, feeling lost and alone, empty. I looked up at Edward. Alice had gone to find something, I don't remember what.  
"Bella" Edward sighed, looking completely content, and horrified at the same time. It was a strange combination.  
"Edward, would it be really twisted if I was happy right now?"  
"I'm not sure. Why are you happy?"  
"We get to be together, and I missed you, and I love you so much!" I sobbed.  
"Why?" he whispered.  
"Why what?"  
"Why do you love me?"  
"Because, your love is like a pain in your chest that spreads through your veins and muscles, to the very last hair on your head to the tips of your toes and fingers, and you can't even believe how much it hurts, but you are so terrified of it ever going away, because without the pain that totally takes up all of yourself, you would be empty, and emptiness is so much worse than pain, and you become, almost addicted to the pain, so when it comes down to it, you are so enveloped in your love, that you are so happy…" I trailed off, and Edward smiled slightly. I pulled myself closer to him, and regrettably, fell asleep


End file.
